Words, when you don’t know what to say…

Months have passed since anything appeared in this much neglected space. I’m not even sure whether anyone still reads ALBD to be honest, which in some sense renders this post completely useless. At the same time I don’t really care. It’s just quite a nice feeling being able to send random thoughts out into the ether and let them wander around. It’s like when I was little – I used to derive great joy in attaching little messages to the string of helium balloons and letting them go for someone else to find. I didn’t even really care that most used to get caught in the massive trees at the end of my parents garden, and once I found one popped on some barbed wire in the horses field near my old house. It was the excitement of the unknown I guess, of where something could end up, the potential for my balloon to go somewhere exciting. I’ve missed thisĀ  desperately.

I think I commented not too many posts ago (and let’s be frank, there haven’t been many this year), that it is a strange sensation in some respects to have got where you had planned on going. In some ways I couldn’t be happier. In others I can’t help feeling disappointed, which has left me feeling a little flat and quite dreary . For some reason yesterday however, something woke up in me. Like my brain desperately wanted to save itself from an eternity of menial tripe and boredom – obviously disillusioned that I was going to do anything about it myself. I realised that I might have got where I was going, but that doesn’t mean I have to stay here. Maybe I can be more than the girl in the office that’s a bit silly and does the typing. Maybe I could be one of those people who just go out and do what they want to do, as far fetched and random as it seems.

I like random. I dig far fetched. Maybe I should give it a go! If Katie Price can write best sellers….

I woke up at 5:30am this morning thinking “I have to do something about this”. I started writing this at 6:05.

It’s the closest thing I had to a balloon.

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