Dear Jim

Dear Jim,

Please, please, please will you fix it for me to receive a first class masters dissertation relating to the subject ‘regeneration’ and have really clever academic type people (you know the ones – beards and really smelly breath) to write my assignments for me too.

You see tomorrow Jim I start back at University for the final year of my ‘Planning’ masters degree. I will get up at 5:15am to get there too. Jim, this is not a good idea as at this time I am grumpy, irrational and my appearance is likely to scare young children. On top of this Jim I will be asked to listen, think and learn. I find this deeply unreasonable Jim as the modern day does not require me to pay attention and listen any more – instead I can download the ‘highlights’ in a podcast, I do not have to think any more – Wikipedia does that for me, and anything I will ever need to learn can be found on Google and YouTube.

Instead Jim, I think my time would be better spent supporting the local and international economy. I have proved how successful I am at this during my summer break, investing in the clothing stock of many high street stores, I have made it my duty to help maintain the business of many bars and restaurants, and I made a special trip to New York this year to support culture and the arts whilst also trying to improve the standards of written English over there (I am in particular support of the much endangered letter ‘U’).

Jim, if you could fix this for me I would be forever grateful, as will my boyfriend Neil who otherwise is set up for another year helping me colour in. Last year he got a blister and went through 4 green pencils Jim! If only they made grass in a different colour…

Thank you for taking the time to read my letter.

Amy

Age 25 and more than 3/4.

P.S Would some ‘Elizabeth Duke’ vouchers swing it?

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