Part 1: Things that slightly concern me, Wednesday

I have many dear friends who are currently expecting, and I really would like to be there for them and offer my support in their hour(s) of need. Indeed I am not at all adverse to nappy changing, feeding, bouncing, twirling, putting it in a box until it stops crying, or force feeding it tixylix. What I would welcome however, is some advice on how to be there for my companions who might suffer from a seemingly common misconception of new parents, that their new born is in fact a farmyard animal. I have included some examples below:

Baby sheep

This poor parent has obviously been led to believe they have taken ownership of a sheep-come-fairy. Please note the slightly dazed look on the child’s face as it struggles to come to terms with being turned out to pasture.

Pig Baby

This unsuspecting child, I fear, may belong to parents that are also confused as to what sort of livestock it is. We can only take heed from the fact that it is possibly temporarily oblivious to the situation.

Lion baby

This child is obviously owned by ambitious parents who have disregarded the farm animal potential of their child completely, and have just gone straight in there with one of the ‘big cats’. Now is that a look of contentment? Is the bow too tight? Or is the child demonstrating that it doesn’t yet possess the motor skills to remove this ridiculous example of millinery?

Mohican baby

This one I find particularly disturbing, largely to the fact I can not think what this represents other than a skunk. Is this really a label you want to saddle your child with from an early age?

Sheep Baby 2

Here we have another variation on a theme. I believe the positioning of the ears however throws off the whole aesthetic.

Shark baby

Little comprehension of potential ramifications of taking it swimming.

Yoda

Professes to be Yoda. I suspect of IBM heritage.

So here we have but a few examples that underline my concerns as to what might be facing my friends and their offspring in the coming weeks and months. I can only hope that I may be able to assist in directing them away from apparel likely to lead to the confusion of their new arrivals in later life.

Elephant

Point in hand. Has ‘Single, Sys Admin’ written all over it.

All considered however, it does at least solve one mystery for me that has been another point of distraction for a number of years – why we send cards to parents displaying such sentiments as:

It's a girl

It’s a public information service. Perhaps more effective if given the prefix ‘FYI’?

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